As November rolls around and families across the country prepare for the rituals of Thanksgiving, many LGBTQIA+ people begin preparing for something equally sacred, though often less understood: Chosen Family gatherings, often affectionately called Friendsgiving.
For queer communities, chosen family isn’t just a social tradition — it’s survival, celebration, and love made tangible. It’s the meal that feeds the soul when blood ties can’t or won’t. And in 2025, amid growing conversations about belonging and identity, chosen family remains one of the most radical expressions of queer resilience.
The Meaning of Chosen Family
“Chosen family” refers to the close relationships we intentionally build outside of biological or legal kinship — the people we rely on for love, care, and connection.
For LGBTQIA+ people, chosen family has long been essential. Many queer and trans individuals face rejection or estrangement from relatives after coming out. Others maintain contact but find that traditional family spaces are not fully safe or affirming. In response, we build networks of friends, mentors, and allies who do see and celebrate us.
These networks become our siblings, our parents, our children, our people. They show up for birthdays and surgeries, for heartbreaks and holidays. They are family in every sense that matters.
Chosen family is not a consolation prize — it’s a powerful reimagining of what family can be. It asks: What if belonging isn’t something we inherit, but something we create?
A Tradition Born from Necessity
The concept of chosen family runs deep in queer history.
In the early decades of the LGBTQIA+ movement, when social stigma and criminalization isolated queer people from their families, chosen families provided emotional and material support. During the height of the HIV/AIDS crisis, chosen families became lifelines. Friends cared for one another when hospitals turned them away, when partners were denied visitation rights, and when families refused to claim their loved ones’ bodies.
Those bonds forged in crisis built the foundation for the modern LGBTQIA+ understanding of kinship: that love, care, and commitment define family more than DNA ever could.
Today, chosen family remains vital. While legal and social acceptance has expanded, many queer and trans people — particularly youth, people of color, and those in conservative or rural areas — still face rejection. The need for affirming community remains urgent.
Friendsgiving: A Celebration of Queer Kinship
Around Thanksgiving, chosen family takes on a special resonance.
Friendsgiving, as it’s often called, transforms the traditional holiday into something more inclusive and intentional. It’s a rejection of the idea that only blood relatives matter — and an embrace of the people who have truly shown up.
For many LGBTQIA+ folks, Friendsgiving offers safety. It’s a space to breathe freely, to laugh without censoring pronouns or hiding affection. The food might be homemade or potluck-style, but the real nourishment comes from being surrounded by people who understand.
In recent years, Friendsgiving has spread beyond queer circles into mainstream culture. But its queer roots run deep — it was born from necessity, from love, and from the radical belief that we deserve family even when the world says otherwise.
The Politics of Family
Chosen family may sound simple, but it’s deeply political.
In societies that prioritize the nuclear family — often defined by heterosexual marriage and biological children — other forms of connection are marginalized or erased. Laws around healthcare, taxation, and inheritance still privilege traditional kinship structures.
This leaves many LGBTQIA+ people vulnerable. A chosen family member who has been your caregiver for years may have no legal right to make medical decisions for you. A queer couple who raised a child together may struggle to secure parental rights.
By celebrating chosen family, the queer community challenges these limitations. We assert that love and mutual care are as legitimate — and as deserving of protection — as any blood tie or marriage certificate.
It’s not just a cultural statement; it’s a demand for legal and social recognition.
Intersectional Belonging
Chosen family doesn’t look the same for everyone.
For queer people of color, chosen families often intersect with cultural and spiritual kinship networks that predate Western ideas of family. For Two-Spirit and Indigenous queer people, community kinship may be rooted in ancestral and ceremonial ties that center collective care rather than individual households.
For trans and nonbinary people, chosen family is often lifesaving. It provides validation in a world that too often refuses to recognize gender diversity. It’s where names and pronouns are respected without question — where people are seen not for what society expects, but for who they are.
Queer people with disabilities, immigrants, elders — all find safety in chosen family structures that honor difference and interdependence.
The beauty of chosen family lies in its flexibility. It adapts to the needs of those it holds, always expanding rather than restricting.
The Emotional Landscape of November
For many queer people, November is complicated. It’s a month of remembrance and awareness — Transgender Awareness Month, Intersex Day of Remembrance, Trans Day of Remembrance — but also a season centered on family gatherings.
For those who have faced rejection, that contrast can be painful. Invitations home may come with conditions. Conversations at dinner tables can become minefields. Even when families mean well, their inability to fully accept a loved one’s identity can create quiet grief.
Chosen Family gatherings reclaim that emotional landscape. They transform the season from one of exclusion into one of affirmation. They say, “You are not alone. You are loved exactly as you are.”
That’s no small thing. For queer people navigating isolation, seasonal depression, or family estrangement, these gatherings are acts of healing.
How to Celebrate
There’s no single template for a chosen family gathering. It might be a big Friendsgiving dinner, a small potluck, or even a virtual meet-up for those separated by distance. The key ingredient is intention — choosing to be present for one another.
Some ideas:
- Share gratitude not just for food, but for survival and community.
- Make space for storytelling. Let people share what chosen family means to them.
- Honor those not present — the friends who have passed, or those still finding their way.
- Include everyone. Be mindful of accessibility, pronouns, and dietary needs.
- Create new traditions. Maybe that’s a candle lighting, a toast, or a collective art project.
Above all, celebrate authenticity. The point is not to mimic traditional family structures, but to honor the unique forms of care that queer communities create.
From Gratitude to Activism
Chosen family is not just about comfort; it’s also a form of resistance.
When we gather as queer people, we defy a society that has long tried to erase us. When we love one another openly, we build the foundation for liberation.
Friendsgiving can be more than a meal — it can be a call to action.
Donate to queer youth shelters. Volunteer at LGBTQIA+ centers. Reach out to someone who’s struggling. Support those whose families have turned away. Build networks that keep one another safe.
Every plate of food, every story shared, becomes part of a larger movement toward a world where no one has to choose between family and authenticity.
A Vision for the Future
The idea of chosen family has already changed culture. Mainstream media now includes queer families on screen, from sitcoms to streaming dramas. Legal systems are slowly catching up, as activists push for recognition of diverse family structures.
But beyond representation, chosen family offers a philosophical shift: it asks society to see relationships not as fixed categories, but as living commitments.
It’s an invitation to reimagine love as something that grows beyond boundaries — beyond bloodlines, gender, or tradition.
If the 20th century’s queer revolution was about visibility and rights, the 21st century’s may well be about belonging — building communities that are as compassionate as they are brave.
Closing Reflection
When the world tells you that family is defined by birth or law, chosen family answers differently: Family is defined by love.
Each time we open our homes to one another, we resist isolation. Each time we show up for someone who’s been rejected, we rewrite the story of what family means.
This November, whether you’re seated around a table with blood relatives, chosen family, or somewhere in between, take a moment to honor the people who make you feel seen.
Because the true heart of Thanksgiving — and of queer life — is gratitude for connection.
And for LGBTQIA+ people everywhere, that connection is both revolutionary and deeply human.
In Solidarity, Always
– Ryder
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