May 20 is Agender Pride Day, and if that doesn’t ring any bells for you, then honey—get ready for a lesson. Because in a world obsessed with gender reveal parties, binary bathrooms, and putting everyone into neat little boxes, today is about tearing those boxes to shreds and dancing on the remains in combat boots and unapologetic truth.
Agender folks exist. Agender folks matter. Agender folks aren’t a trend, a phase, or a glitch in the gender matrix. They are whole, valid, and deserve more than just tolerance—they deserve full-throated, no-holds-barred respect.
And if that makes you uncomfortable? Good. Sit in that discomfort. Unpack it. Because we are not bending over backwards to make cis folks feel comfy anymore.
So, What Does “Agender” Even Mean?
Let’s clear the damn air before someone pipes up with, “But everyone has a gender!”
No, sweetie. They don’t.
Agender means without gender. Not confused. Not in-between. Not waiting for their “real” identity to show up. It means they don’t experience gender—at all. No internal sense of “man” or “woman.” No alignment with the roles society wants to glue to their body. It’s not emptiness—it’s liberation.
Some agender folks see themselves as neutral. Some see their gender as irrelevant. Others just want you to shut up and stop asking. And guess what? Every one of those expressions is valid.
Allyship Is Not Passive—It’s Loud, It’s Bold, and It’s Now
If you’re an ally—a real ally—your job isn’t just liking a post with a pastel infographic once a year and then disappearing into the cis-hetero mist. Your job is to show up.
So here’s how you show up for agender folks—not just today, but always:
🔊 Use their pronouns. Whether that’s they/them, it/its, xe/xem, or anything else. If someone tells you what pronouns they use, that’s not a suggestion—it’s a damn directive.
🧠 Stop making gender assumptions. You don’t know someone’s gender because you clocked their haircut or voice or clothes. Keep your assumptions to yourself and let people tell you who they are.
📢 Correct others. Every time. If someone misgenders your agender friend, coworker, or that amazing barista at your local café—correct them. Even when the person isn’t around. Especially then.
🚫 Drop the binaries. No more “ladies and gentlemen.” No more “boys will be boys.” Language shapes reality—so be intentional with yours.
Agender Identities Are Not Optional in the LGBTQIA+ Rainbow
Let me say this loud enough for the people in the back wearing “But I Support the Gays!” shirts from 2015: Agender people are part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
The “A” is not for “ally,” babe. It’s for agender, asexual, aromantic, and more. Allies are welcome, but you don’t get a seat at the table just for clapping from the sidelines. If your rainbow doesn’t include agender people, it’s just performative fog.
This is a community built on challenging norms, smashing binaries, and letting people live as their authentic selves. If you only support people when their queerness still fits into your idea of “man” or “woman,” then you’re not an ally—you’re a gatekeeper.
It’s Not “Too Complicated.” It’s Just Not Centered on You
I can already hear the tired chorus: “But I don’t get it. It’s too confusing.”
Okay, and? The entire tax system is confusing but you still file your returns. You figured out how to pronounce “charcuterie” and use TikTok filters, didn’t you? You’re not confused. You’re just inconvenienced. There’s a difference.
Understanding agender identities isn’t about you “getting it.” It’s about respecting it.
If someone says they’re agender, that’s the whole story. You don’t need a medical history, a thesis paper, or a permission slip from the Gender Council. You need to listen and honor what they tell you.
Agender Joy Is Revolutionary—Celebrate It
Yes, there’s hardship. Yes, there’s discrimination. But there is also joy. Agender joy is radical. It’s beautiful. It’s resistance in its purest form.
Agender people are creating art, writing books, leading movements, and carving out space in a world that tried to pretend they didn’t exist. That deserves celebration. Not in a “look how brave they are” way—don’t patronize. In a “hell yes, take up space!” way.
Today, uplift agender voices. Share their work. Boost their platforms. Buy from agender creators. Support agender performers, educators, activists, and artists. Don’t just wave the flag—know who’s holding it up.
Final Word: Don’t Just Be an Ally—Be a Co-Conspirator
Allyship that ends with words isn’t allyship—it’s PR. Be the kind of person who doesn’t just “support” agender folks, but actually fights alongside them. In boardrooms, at dinner tables, in classrooms, in group chats. Call out gender essentialism. Challenge the binary. Be louder than the bigots.
And remember this: your comfort is not more important than someone else’s identity.
So on this Agender Pride Day, let’s make one thing perfectly clear:
If your feminism, your activism, your queer community, or your allyship doesn’t include agender people, then it’s not as radical or inclusive as you think.
Agender people are here. They’re powerful. They’re proud. And they’re not asking for permission to exist. They never needed it.
So either get with the program—or get out of the damn way.
💚🖤🤍
Happy Agender Pride Day. I said what I said.
In Solidarity, Always
-Ryder
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